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Saturday, 5 March 2011

Wot? [Ed]


Lyme Regis

Mob 44 7966 473 919


[what sort of word is fucking 'ragabond'? Ed.]




BAKERBACK WRITER! [don't do the funny stuff, never works - Ed.]


RUDE ROCK 'N' WOE BOOK [what is that meant to mean? Is this some sort of King's Speech exercise? – Ed.]


After a six-year struggle [well hardly, six years to get out of bed before noon  – Ed.] to get it into print, Geoff Baker - former PR to Paul McCartney, The Beatles and Oasis [yeah, we know all that toss – Ed.] - is finally [finally? Have you been asked to frequently? What is this pompous finally? Fucking miraculously would be more accurate – Ed.]  publishing his rude, racy and irreverent [what was the point of that? This is not going to be read out loud, why didn't you say bloody rude and funny  – Ed.] novel about the music industry.


Rock Bottom is Baker's black-humoured but fond satire which pokes a tongue behind the scenes and between the sheets at almost every aspect of the record business. [Saucy – Ed.]


The first limited edition of 1,000 copies [what's first limited mean? How many will there be? Oh, clever – Ed.] will be available on Amazon priced £7.99 and £4.60 on Kindle.[Actually that's complete bollocks because I went on Amazon and they said it'd sold out and then my mate bought it from I think this is a fucking front to cover the probability that the book's been BANNED of Amazon. Ed. ] [for being shit – Ed.] [And seven ninety nine's a bit bloody steep, isn't it? You're not Lenny Bruce – Ed.] It will be published by Ragabond Press, a micro publisher that Baker set up with another former journalist, Jill Newton [here we go – Ed.], after the UK's mainstream publishers refused to touch his book. [because they thought it would sell fuck-all – Ed.]


Baker says Rock Bottom is 'a work of complete and utter fiction'.[what the fuck else would it be? And you are not meant to be performing a belly dance, grow up for just ONE day in your life – Ed.] -  The 400-page paperback romps and ruts [who the fuck are you writing for this? Who says romps and ruts? Did you know that an of communication is familiarity? This starting to sound like an episode of The Clitheroe Kid – Ed.]  through the conjoined stories [good way of putting it, I bet somebody else suggested that – Ed.] stories of a flagging rock star, his demented PR [bet you didn't need any help with that one – Ed.] and a blackmailing fan who threatens to ruin the pop idol's reputation by unmasking a long-hidden sexual secret. [Ooer matron, somebody's turned off the lights! Who the FUCK are you writing this for, the Dickens desk of The Times? A long-hidden sexual secret – what, like he's got 4 dicks and he fucks cement? Why don't you just say gay? You should get out of the 1970s more often – Ed.]


'The star, Birmingham-born genius Ian Taylor, is not remotely based on anyone I've known,' said Baker, [pompously – Ed.] 'I made him up and he is as fictional as Henry the Horse who dances the waltz.' [so shut it with jests, they are so crap and only Beatles fans get them. What? Well nobody said. I've never fucking heard of such a thing. JUST for the fans? OK. Well why is he writing to them like he's talking from a mountain in this weird 'smite thee' language? Fuck off yourself – Ed.]


'Instead of writing about actual people I've worked with, it was more interesting for me to create fictional types of that rock world – the musicians, managers, record company execs – and to have a laugh at what fame can do to people and how it can disastrously affect those who work around the famous.  [soapbox – Ed.]


'But what was of most interest to me was to make the fan the central character of the book; the fans' feelings are often overlooked in the music game so I made the fan the heroine for a change. [soapbox – Ed.]


'Rock Bottom is basically a celebrity love story, but it's quite sad in parts – rock 'n woe, we call it. [no we don't. Who is this we? We all of the 80,000 at your astonishingly-successful publishing company? It's a shit pun. Stop it – Ed.]



It is also the flipside of The X-Factor, revealing the madness and misery of making it big, so in some ways it's a cautionary tale for those who long to see their name in lights.

[What? What are you, the Prophet Zorrah? It's not a cautionary fucking anything, it's not your place to make value judgements, chum – Ed.]


'The book is also rather rude. [Well, fucking stroll on. I'd never in a hundred years have expected that – Ed.] We were thinking of having a Parental Advisory sticker on it as the vernacular of the business is certainly not kids' stuff [fuck off with the 'we' again, you are not a religious – Ed.] and as a wordsearch revealed there are 864 f-words in the book [is that true? Bloody hell, really? – Ed.] those who dislike bad language might be better off reading Trainspotting instead.'


Although Ian Taylor's genius but mercurial temperament was drawn from Baker's imagination, he admits that various journalist characters who play supporting roles in the lurid drama were partly inspired by old pals from his newspaper days on Fleet Street. [that's your publicity knees capped, then – Ed.]


'I'll be interested to see if any mates from the hack pack that I used to run with recognise anything of themselves in the book,' said Baker, 54, 'A number of them are editors now.' [that I used to run with? What are you now, the Scarlet Pimpernel? – Ed.]


It has taken Baker more than six years to publish his novel. [you mean it took you five years to write and one year for Jill Newton to write properly, edit, set and publish – Ed.]


'I wrote the original story in three months [get you, Mr Competitive – Ed.] , back in 2004. I got a leading literary agent and he enthusiastically sent the manuscript to every major publisher – but none of them would touch it with a bargepole[because it was the ranting of a madman – Ed.]. Four years of rewrites followed, my funds ran out and if it hadn't been for the support and belief of my wife Amanda throughout it all, I'd be rotting in debtor's prison.' [this is sounding a bit David Gray, although it is clear that your soul deserves some form of eternal detention – Ed.]


'Pissed off but unbowed', Baker and Newton – an old Lyme Regis schoolpal  - formed their own micro publishing company, Ragabond Press. [chosen, and let's guess by whom, from the Book of Weird Names To Call Yourselves – Ed.]


'Jill and I re-met by chance after having not seen each other for more than 35 years. We talked about the book and realised that as she was trained as an editor and a sub and I was trained as a hack, maybe we could combine our skills for the book' said Baker [whose greatest skill appears to be winging it – Ed].


'So between ourselves we took on every aspect of getting a book done – editing, proofing, type-setting, layout, design, photography, distribution, marketing, PR, the lot.' [you mean 'So between Jill and herself' – Ed.]


Now Ragabond Press, which is based in Newton and Baker's home town of Lyme Regis, has seven self-penned books in production and is considering publishing other writers.


'We're going to take several months to slowly plug Rock Bottom, just like I used to with a rock album,' said Baker[pompously again – Ed.], whose next project is Ragabond Press's The Beatles Fanthology, the story of the Fab Four told through the memories and stories of Beatles fans.



Geoff Baker                                                    Jill Newton

07966 473 919                                       



Anonymous said...

That black text on a black background certainly helps...

geoff baker said...

Tell me about it, I'm getting tired of this.

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